The WordPress/JetPack writing prompt for today is:
What is your favourite quote?
UPDATED AUGUST 19, 2026
How did I forget this one?
CNN once had a show called Crossfire. It was hosted by two men, Tucker Carlson representing the political right and Paul Begala representing the political left. Jon Stewart, a famous comedian known for his political observations was the guest on October 15, 2004.
Stewart took both hosts to task for the ways that they were creating division in America and not in any way having a good faith discussion about political differences and how to reconcile them. Begala took this criticism quietly, Carlson fought back, claiming that Stewart, as a comedian, didn’t have the right to those opinions. Carlson kept demanding that since Stewart should be funny, and not be serious about politics.
Eventually, after one more poke from Carlson, demanding Stewart be funny, he responded, “No, I’m not going to be your monkey.” This appearance was so famous, it has its own Wikipedia page. Crossfire was cancelled by CNN shortly thereafter, with the president firing Carlson, citing Stewart’s reasons.
Here’s a small excerpt including the quote. Carlson is the smug other speaker.
Now, that was 22 years ago. In my head, I’ve shortened it to “I’m not your monkey.” and that’s a quote that I have used many times and thought about many more.
The power of this quote is that it rejects the idea that others get to define you. It’s an amazing summation of defiance, saying ‘I won’t perform as you demand I must.’ I love it.
And I forgot it for this post. Damn, memory is fickle.
Now, back to the original post.
There are three quotes that are, I would guess, favourites; two well-attributed and one well-misattributed.
Back when the internet was young (and I mean really young, like 1988), we didn’t have the word ‘meme’ yet but we had memes. Most of them came from one of two sources: Monty Python and Douglas Adams (with an honourable third place mention to Black Adder’s second and third seasons).
“No one expects the Spanish inquisition!”
Of the Monty Python quotes, The dead parrot, the Holy hand grenade, and the unladened swallow were staples to quote. My favourite Monty Python quote is “No one expects the Spanish inquisition!” (All of these are on YouTube). The person who is so dedicated to his cause that he can’t properly define it, and needs a do-over, is enough for that quote, but just the absurdity of it in the context of the scene was also cool.
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
Douglas Adams was known for his quirky and irreverent sense of humour. His first book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (commonly called H2G2 by fans), is incredibly quotable. “In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry, and been widely regarded as a bad move” and “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t” are often quoted.
But for me, it’s his quote about being a published author, one notorious for missing his editor’s deadlines, that sticks the most. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” Douglas would sometimes miss his publisher’s deadlines by years. Eventually, he pushed back with this quote, and one of the internet’s first memes was born.
The other quote that I often come back to is one that can not be properly attributed:
“God created war to teach Americans geography”
For the longest time I thought this was an Ambrose Bierce quote. It isn’t. Nor is it from his much more famous contemporary, Mark Twain. Both get cited, a lot, on the internet. Both have been debunked by scholars who manage their literary estates. I guess I like this one because it’s a truism. Americans generally tend not to know geography beyond their borders. So, often the first time the average American hears of a country is when they start bombing it.
There have been many funny takes on Americans’ ignorance of world geography. I think it was Jay Leno (or Conan O’Brien?) who used to do street segments where he’d hold up an unmarked map of the Earth and ask “Where is Iraq?” People invariably pointed to Australia. A Canadian comedian, Rick Mercer, had great success with a segment called “Talking to Americans,” where he’d say something outrageous about Canada and get Americans to agree with it (We must protect our national igloo from melting… Congratulate Canada on finally getting electricity… etc.) More recently, an Aussie comedian has been doing the same.
I’m not sure what these quotes have in common, maybe you, an outside observer, can see a connection or through-path in them that I don’t. But I do like them, for whatever reason.